I love to reminisce. To go over what has happened over time. The happy, bubbly moments and also the not so great ones. There’s always lesson behind it all. You don’t see it at first because at the moment you’re going through it, you’re focused on the now. But God sees the big picture.
Ps: buckle up for a story!!
I remember this one time when I was in senior year. It was probably one of the worst semesters I’ve ever gone through. Started out great but then I got really, really sick a week to this huge exams we had. And I didn’t know if I was going to be able to take it. It got so bad I had to be admitted to the hospital for a few days.
I actually took some study materials with me to the hospital (I know, what a waste of time, cause I ended up not reading anything). Classic me trying to still salvage the situation. But instead all I did was sleep, vomit and cry. Why, why did it have to be a week to my exams. I’d done everything. I prepped as much as I could, maybe not as much as I could but I prepped for it. I prayed, I believed, I was positive. And yet, I felt sick, really sick and I hated myself.
I still remember every thing like it was yesterday. The IV constantly stuck to my hand; my parents constantly calling and praying for me; My mom on the phone with me all night when I was by my self in the hospital. It was horrible. I felt horrible. I remember telling the nurses and doctors constantly that I had an exam, I had an exam and I had to go. I can’t stay here. I remember them asking if it could be postponed and I said no, it can’t in tears. I remember feeling so helpless, so afraid, extremely awful.
But I did go for the exam, looking as pale and pitiful as ever. Still I went. I figured it was better than not trying at all. After all, I paid for it. I prepped myself for inevitable failure. That was the first time I wrote an exam without having the slightest idea what I was doing. I literally looked around for an hour and a half before I started writing. Came out of the exam hall feeling worse that ever but surprisingly, I didn’t cry, I just went back and took a nap.
For the weeks that past, I pretended as if I was okay. I went along with normal school stuff but then once in a while I was reminded of that day. I would probably have to spend an extra semester in school because my fate of graduating in 2018 was tied to that one exam. There were so many things at stake. My dad had paid so much money for tuition and the exam itself, my mom constantly reminded me of my grad and how amazing it would be. I did try to down play it a bit at first.
“It’s not that bad”
“It’s not my fault”
But no, what do you mean? It was bad. All my friends were going to leave me behind and I would feel like a failure. Was I a failure?
Then I turned to the only thing I could to. Talk to God. I didn’t pray for a miraculous escape route because in my head, there was no way on earth I’d score a passing grade. Even 10 extra marks were added, I’d probably still have a 30%. But still, I had a tiny glimpse of hope. I told God to give me a heart to accept His will no matter what happens. At the same time, I know that He still does the impossible. I told him that I know that He is able to do beyond my wildest imaginations and since he’s helped my ace exams before, he can definitely do it again. Finally, I thanked him for a wonderful result and wrote it in my planner like it was already result day and as if I’d already checked my result. And then I put everything behind me. I never talked about it, and even when I was asked about, I just resorted to “it is well”.
When it was time to check results, I wasn’t even bothered. Normally I’d get nervous but this time, I figured, what’s the point when I don’t have any expectations. I might as well get it over with. I opened the portal on my phone searched for my exam number and there it was, as one of the candidates that passed the exam.
I obviously I got the wrong number, so I double checked.
It was my number.
Still my number. (I’m shaking a little at this point)
Nope, still your number sis.
Gave it to a friend to check instead and guess what?
IT WAS MY NUMBER!!!
And then, out of no where, I started crying, I mean like straight up ugly face sobbing. Fun fact, I was walking back to my dorm with my friends when I checked the result so when I started crying, they thought I probably failed and they started consoling me. I could hardly talk cause I was a combination of shookt + in shock + in awe + shaking + tell me if I’m dreaming or not! I’m sure a lot of people passing by probably thought I was crazy or I dunno, but I didn’t care! I was the happiest person on earth right then and nothing else mattered. I NEVER, in my wildest dreams, ever thought I had a chance of barely meeting the pass mark for the exam, but you know what, I scored 70%+ in all the papers.
When I got back to the dorm I fell down flat on the floor, in awe of the God I serve. This Jesus that loves me so much, so so much that he literally did the impossible for me. When I was going through all of that, He was already looking ahead. He knew that no matter what, I’d pass that exam. Sick or not sick, I was going to ace it. This Jesus that’s always there for me, always stood by me, never failed me, never abandoned me, never ever for one second. This Jesus, that’s proved time and time again that in Him all things are possible. Yes, this Jesus, wonderful precious Jesus, whose word has indeed been firm and tested overtime. Jesus, Master Jesus 😭.
So yes, this whole epistle was to tell you about Him. The Jesus that did the impossible for me (and keeps doing the impossible for me). I could tell you so many stories of how faithful and awesome God had been to me, but THIS, this was one of the most real He’s been. It was like He was literally there, telling me that, don’t you see, it was done even before you sat down for the exam. You were already a winner. Mind blowing stuff really!
Today I want to encourage a friend out there. You may be going through some sad stuff and feel like there’s no way out. You may feel so helpless and depressed. But I want you to know that Jesus loves you. He’s always going to love you no matter what and if you would just accept Him into your heart and trust Him, He’ll work everything out for good. People can and will let you down but Jesus never fails. Never, not once. He is a firm and tested foundation to lean on, to stand on, to trust in, to have faith in. And anyone that believes in Him will not be shaken. You are emerging out of whatever situation you’re in victorious! Amen!!
Therefore, this is what the Sovereign Lord says: “Look! I am placing a foundation stone in Jerusalem, a firm and tested stone. It is a precious cornerstone that is safe to build on. Whoever believes need never be shaken.
Isaiah 28:16 NLT
Ps: Happy new month ❤️