jess in the mundane

Growing up Nigerian, there were numerous adages children were fed in school and at home. “You can’t have your cake and eat it”, or “what an elder sees sitting, a youngster cannot see even stationed at the top of a tree” (lol, last last we will use drone for aerial view). The topic of discussion today is in the same category. “A closed mouth is a closed destiny”. This translates to “silence is not always golden, and refusing to talk when you should could be devastating”. Now I’m not venturing into the new-agey world of “words literally create life”, and all that law of attraction mumbo jumbo. My focus isn’t even on words to begin with, but on the literal, gradual, almost unnoticed closing of my mouth.

As a former member of the excruciatingly introverted and shy community, I would like to think I have worked incredibly hard to become what I am now- moderately sociable. Overcoming anxiety of impending social interaction and improving my speaking skills thanks to many graded presentations in university, allowed me morph into somewhat of a talkative, especially amongst friends. I simply think talking is a love language. I am very reserved amongst people I don’t know, or uncomfortable with, but very chatty with people I like, friends and family. The look on people’s faces hearing me form over two quick sentences, crack a joke and even laugh is hilarious. Yes, I do talk, in fact, a lot. I am actually now of the opinion that if I do not blurt out a certain number of words per day, my sanity would be in jeopardy.

I suppose right now, I have found a heathy balance between being obnoxiously chatty and being able to hold a good conversation. Grasping the differences between friends vs acquaintances, sensitive vs public information, what a person says vs what they mean. And boundaries. I guess such realizations come with age and maturity. My point is, I am at an in-between where I talk a lot less than I did in my teen years, but not as much as I would like to. Increased responsibility, reduced proximity to close friends amongst other things have allowed me to be in my head a lot. I barely talk at work, I barely talk at school, I barely talk at home. And it’s not just not talking. Other things, like singing. I just noticed recently that I don’t sing any more, and haven’t sung in ages.

Now you may not understand the gravity of the situation here, but I used to be that person who shook the bathroom walls with her shower concerts. I sang (or is it sung? lol) all the time, and I loved it. It was almost second nature to burst out in song at the slightest provocation. But now, for some reason I realize I don’t. I just listen. If I like a song, instead of singing along like I was fond of doing previously, I just listen. If I want to learn a song, instead of singing along, I just listen. Similarly, with talking, I’ve mostly been listening. I can’t even with the number of podcasts and videos I watch daily. I just listen, without discussing with other people. I guess it might be because there isn’t someone to immediately discuss with, and then the moment passes and is gone. I don’t know, it wasn’t until recently I was reminded that wait an actual fat second, I DO sing. I do LOVE singing. My voice is slightly different now, owing to lack of practice, but it’s still sweet. I do talk, and like talking. I do write and like writing. I do….fill in the blank….and love it.

I may have written myself into a corner with all the tangents in this post, but I think I needed a reminder today to open my mouth in doing the things I somehow forgot I enjoy.

So, cheers to remembering;

Don’t just make playlists Jess, sing-along.

Don’t just watch and listen to shows, share them with others.

Talk to God about them in prayer, write your thoughts and opinions, no matter how ridiculous.

It really do be the little things.

Actually LIVE and HAVE FUN like no one’s watching (ewwww, superrr cheesy lol, but you get the point) 😌😊

Until next time…..

Stay safe and groovy,

Love Jess