I remember a few years ago, downloading Pinterest. Unsure as to what category the app belonged to, I joined, simply because I wanted pictures to add to my mood board. Previously, my go-to for wallpapers was google search image results or screenshots from other social media apps. But those simply weren’t “giving” and Pinterest was.
Over the next few days, I finished my mood board for the year, and over the next few weeks, curated one online. This was probably at my lowest point at the time, so, I saved photos that depicted what I wanted, and assumed would make me happy. Theme-park trips, movie nights, hangouts with friends, fitness goals, a wardrobe upgrade, etcetera. I also had a few scripture verses sprinkled, but at the time, the Lord wasn’t my desire, these other things were. They were to me a means to an end. A way out of my sadness and deep dissatisfaction.
I still have that board on Pinterest, in fact, I have it open right now as I write this post. It’s changed overtime, yet it’s wild how everything on there is now either in my possession, or at my disposal. The only difference is, I no longer seek satisfaction from them. I have already have found it elsewhere.
I remember in my final year of college, having a week dedicated to graduating class yearbook photos, and questionnaire filling. One of the questions asked was something along the lines of, “where do you see yourself in the future”. At the time, I knew that as a gifted student, I could very well be whatever I wanted, if I willed it. I was also painfully aware that nothing I wanted, would make me feel genuine joy. I stared at the piece of paper for a few minutes, and finally wrote down, “happy”. I want to be happy. It sounded super sentimental, and a few people “awwwed” at the response, but my heart was bleeding; it wanted comfort, one that truly lasted. And no position or achievement seemed capable of providing what my soul truly craved. Rest, peace, childlike joy, and simple happiness.
Finally, I remember the morning after I was born-again. The night before, I had cried for hours; finally becoming aware of my sinfulness and God’s holiness. Finally becoming aware of my lack and His infinitude. Finally understanding the love and compassion of God, and what “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” meant. It broke me. Messed me up, really. I had held on to so many past sins and sought retribution. I had immense hate for enemies and was in agony, not realizing that I very much was an enemy of God. And yet, he loved me; in humility and through humiliation lived and died to save me. For the first time in my life, I felt godly sorrow, and it was heart wrenching. I cried, I prayed, and cried some more; a very cathartic experience, truly.
I vividly remember the morning after. Opening my eyes and the morning sun peering through the windows. As I moved closer to the drapes, my eyes adjusting to light, I looked outside and felt the warmth of the sun on my face. And then, as if on cue, my eyes began to water. “What a lovely sunrise, courtesy of a lovely God. Thank you”. In that moment, I was completely filled. The best way I can explain it is, my heart was bursting with the peculiar bubbly joy I once felt as a child. If all I did that day was sit by my window and appreciate the works and wonder of God, that would have been enough. There was nothing else I wanted, Christ was more than enough.
This Christmas, I am grateful for the Lord. For answering the deepest desire of my heart and giving me the gift of himself. No matter how many gifts I receive, all pale in comparison to Christ. Being reconciled to Him and walking with Him has been the most wonderful present, one that keeps on giving every single day.
Merry Christmas 🤍
”I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him.….I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead…”
Philippians 3:7-9a, 10a NLT
jess in the mundane 
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